Even though dating apps are the most popular among Millennials, according to a recent SeatGeek poll of 1,000 singles, 95% would prefer meet people IRL versus online or on an app. That’s why for the second year in a row, Bustle considers April, “April without application“and encouraging our staff and readers to take their dating apps off for 30 days and meet people the old-fashioned way: offline. With participants following their progress and tips and advice from dating experts, we will help you feel empowered to meet IRL people all month.
When I made the decision to try The April challenge without Bustle app, I did so with apprehension. I have used dating apps as my only way to meet potential romantic partners for the past few years. In response to people asking me why I need to use dating apps, I lamented how difficult it is to meet people in real life. Dating apps, I thought, were much more convenient and straightforward. On a swipe-based dating app, I felt like users were making instant decisions based purely on appearance – and anyone who matched me or texted me, I could be sure they were. interested in me. Real interactions just didn’t provide that certainty. They were encumbered with vulnerability and the terrifying risk of rejection. Plus, I figured dating apps were full of thousands of possibilities, so I was bound to meet my perfect match one day.
“Dating apps can increase the number of people we’re exposed to, but it’s not necessarily in our best interest,” Dr. Emily Morse, sex and relationship expert and host of Sex with Emilie, says Bustle. “With such a surplus of matches, there is no incentive to stop looking for the ‘best thing to do.’ We are never satisfied, so we keep sweeping, which prevents us from letting anything stand In the real world, there aren’t as many opportunities to chat with someone, so we put more effort into those interactions and we feel more grateful for them. strong on getting things done, we feel better about them overall. ”
Taking a step back and taking a step back, I realize how dating apps have given me a biased perception of dating and people.
Dating apps have become a toxic part of my life that have crept into my daily routine. Between classes, I would open my phone and swipe right and left over my potential matches. The process has become monotonous, almost mechanical. My notifications were constantly inundated with messages from people defined only by name, age, photos, and a 140 character description. Without fail, my interactions were brief and devoid of any substance. They all felt transactional and I knew that each of my matches spoke to several other people. We were all playing the same shallow game – swiping to the right to see what else was there. My Friday date on Tinder would be followed by a Saturday date on Tinder with a different person but the exact same structure – a mindless, awkward conversation followed by a connection. I was trapped in a never-ending cycle of instant gratification.
My dating apps detox gave me the time and mental space to think about my emotional needs and wants and how dating apps align with them. As I step back and step back, I realize how dating apps have given me a biased view of dating and people. I went to great lengths to put aside my insecurities and fears and to attend events and public places. I have started to engage in conversations with new people and am working to form new relationships.
I never want to lose my curiosity ever again and I never want to stop having these wonderful butterfly feelings.
My actions and intentions have been directed towards attracting positive energy and love this month. I now see that my real interactions are filled with butterflies and excitement. As I approach to introduce myself to a new man, I feel my mind overflowing with curiosity. I feel intrigued looking at his body language, seeing the sparkle in his eyes when he introduces himself. I love to watch his face light up when he talks about his passions and interests. Dating apps never gave me those feelings. My matches were just names behind a screen, completely depersonalized.
April without an app pushed me out of my comfort zone and thus promoted my personal growth. I was busy daily with meaningless interactions with people through my phone screen. But now my day is filled with beautiful possibilities of amazing and intellectually stimulating interactions in which I can engage with new people. I have detoxed myself from dating apps and will never go back. I seek to engage in meaningful conversations with depth and emotion. I never want to lose my curiosity ever again and I never want to stop having these wonderful butterfly feelings.