Tinder bios that I hope to read this year

Much like Fox Mulder and the Alien Probe Promise, when it comes to the idea that internet dating could be my ticket to lasting romantic joy, I want to believe.

In other words, when I actively use Internet dating. After fifteen years of engaging in meetings on the Internet and via applications, the pattern is well established: I continue my biannual “I NEVER USE TINDER / OKCUPID / ETC !!!” digital detox, then come back refreshed and ready to give it (another) red shot, until the next exit / swipe step to the left.

“I slipped, pushed, ‘kissed’ and blocked long enough that I was equipped to decipher certain dating profile phrases.”Credit:Nemanja Glumac

I swiped, pushed, “kissed” and blocked long enough that I was equipped to decipher certain dating profile phrases, and probably a better selfie judge you should be using than Tinder’s “Smart Photos” bots.

I’ve also had enough bad dates cosmically that any rational person would think I’d be willing not only to give up online dating, but to step into a deprogramming facility in order to be stripped of lingering memories.

This year though, like so many things, I get a new sense of optimism (and not just a new “new year”) when it comes to dating.

With this renewed mood of romantic possibility comes a sort of wish list, but rather than “must be at least 5’11” or “hazel eyes only,” mine is strictly organic.

Having already established my suspicion of Tinder’s sinister empty bio, and my in-depth knowledge of classic online dating successes (jokes, so many jokes), I instead keep an eye out for a few codewords and phrases. fashion among the “loves to laugh” the sand “Fight Club and Shawshank’s Redemption“s. If one of them crosses my path, well, I might even fork out for a Super Like.

Any interest in houseplants

Look, I’ve read this Encyclopedia of the Women’s Houseplant Weekly Recipe Card more times than I would like to admit. In 2018, it’s time for me to share my knowledge.


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